The Seeker

A Meta-Cognitive Journal About Writing… Plus Other Stuff

The Other Story-“Clumsy”

with 2 comments

I mentioned earlier this week that I wrote a second piece of flash fiction concurrent with “Zadie,” and that I would put it up here since it hasn’t gathered any publication interest.

Whereas I purposefully worked toward a compelling visual image that would act metaphorically to end “Zadie,” I did the opposite with this one.  I wanted to start with something that would hook the reader and become more significant as the story unfolded, and that the reader would look back at and see as working both literally and metaphorically from the start of the story.  Somehow, the idea of a key broken off in a lock came to me as the opening image.  I got to thinking about under what circumstances that would happen to a person, and this story dropped into my lap.  I worked hard to hone the voice of the narrator here; I’m not sure how well I did.

Shortly after finishing this one, I came across a “100-word story” contest.  This one was already pretty close the a mere 100 words, so I pared it down one day in between classes and on my prep period.  It was worth the effort, despite it not winning or even being published.

Clumsy
The jagged stump of key sticking out of the lock looks like a finger.  The floodlight overhead
buzzes and blinks, flashing snapshots of the finger pointing at you.  Accusing you.  Clumsy
you.
The night is growing darker.  Colder.
You raise your leg and piston your foot against the lock.  A second time.  The sound of
splintering wood crackles in the air.  Another kick, and the door bursts open.  Now who’s
clumsy?
Honey, I’m home.  It’s clumsy me.
She’s standing on the far side of the kitchen table with a steak knife in one hand and the
phone to her ear.

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Written by seeker70

October 3, 2015 at 6:19 pm

Posted in Uncategorized

2 Responses

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  1. Not bad! Unfortunately, I can relate more to this one than “Zadie. . .”

    Joel David Hutson

    October 4, 2015 at 12:08 pm

    • Odd you’d mention that, Joel. I wrote the story about guys like you! Hehe…

      seeker70

      October 4, 2015 at 1:24 pm


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