The Seeker

A Meta-Cognitive Journal About Writing… Plus Other Stuff

Press Release: Police Report (downloadable)

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Press Release:  Police Report (downloadable) by Jeff Burd

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE:  (date mm/dd/yyyy)

(City)

On (date mm/dd/yyyy) at (time) A.M./P.M., at (location),
(name of random poor or minority citizen) was observed
by Officer(s) _____________ engaging in (identify
criminal act observed or suspected + criminal code number
[minimize / hyperbolize as needed]).  When officer(s)
approached the scene, the party appeared to be
(circle all that apply)

  1. drunk and/or stoned
  2. concealing and/or reaching for a weapon
  3. unwilling to soothe the officer(s) ego(s)
  4. indifferent to the fact that police risk their lives every minute of every day

Officer(s) were unable to de-escalate the situation because
(circle all that apply):

  1. they feared for their lives
  2. they had not yet met their ticket quota
  3. the citizen didn’t appear to know his/her rights
  4. “de-escalate?” Are you serious?  That’s rich.

While it is unfortunate that (repeat name of citizen above)
was killed (circle one)

  1. at the scene
  2. in transport to custody
  3. under legitimate circumstances while in custody

officer(s) will not be (circle one)

  1. disciplined
  2. fired
  3. indicted

The actions taken have been found  to be lawful, justified,
necessary, and in compliance with departmental policy by
(circle all that apply)

  1. other officer(s) at the scene
  2. the direct supervisor who mentors the officer(s)
  3. the chief of police who hired the officer(s)
  4. the mayor who once saw the officer(s) at a local high school football game
  5. the prosecuting attorney whose (circle all that apply)
    1. brother
    2. sister
    3. father
    4. mother
    5. aunt
    6. uncle
    7. cousin

was killed by someone of the same (circle all that apply)

  1. ethnic group
  2. social class
  3. religion

as (repeat name of citizen above).

The issue is now closed.  The __________ Police Department
remains committed to effective policing strategies and building
positive relationships with the community.
####

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Written by seeker70

August 2, 2015 at 10:42 pm

Posted in Uncategorized

One Response

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