The Seeker

A Meta-Cognitive Journal About Writing… Plus Other Stuff

Cubs Mourn Vampire Bat Boy

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The Chicago Cubs are mourning the death of batboy Vlad Dragomir after what team officials are calling a bizarre accident.  Dragomir, a Hungarian vampire who could trace his heritage to the fifteenth century, was executing his regular duties after the fifth inning last Tuesday night when tragedy struck.

Cubs shortstop Starlin Castro spoke to reporters about the incident.  “I splintered my bat when I fouled out to end the inning, and the barrel flew out around third base,” the second-year player recalled as he choked back tears.  “Vlad ran out there and grabbed it, and that’s when it happened.”

Instant replay showed that Dragomir was holding the chunk of bat with the broken end pointing up as he ran back to the dugout.  Cubs manager Mike Quade spoke after Castro was overcome by emotion, explaining, “It seems that Vlad tripped on the turf seam at the edge of the dirt.  When he fell, the jagged tip from Starlin’s bat pierced his heart.”

Some fans watched in horror as the body of the undead bat boy laid motionless in the dirt for several seconds before quickly dissolving into dust.  Other fans were unaware of the incident.  Season ticket holder Frank Simpson of Melrose Park commented, “I went to get an Old Style, and when I got back all I saw was the grounds crew dragging the infield.  And there was a streak of gray dirt around third base until they made their second pass.”

The Cubs marketing department has already cancelled a Twilight promotion designed to boost interest in the club among girls ages 12-18.  Dragomir was slated to throw out the first pitch and sing the seventh inning stretch as part of the activities.

Some Cubs players have collected money to help the Dragomir family cover any unexpected end-of-life expenses, though support around the clubhouse has been sparse.  When asked if he would make a contribution, center fielder Reed Johnson was uncertain, explaining that he didn’t know Dragomir too well since the bat boy only worked the night games.

Written by seeker70

June 11, 2011 at 12:01 am

Posted in Uncategorized

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