The Seeker

A Meta-Cognitive Journal About Writing… Plus Other Stuff

Cheating on my Girlfriend– Day 7

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It’s taken me 2 days to appoach this issue somewhat directly. Part of that is because of the exhaustion from the wedding and all that went into it; part of that is because, well… I’m heartbroken. If it wasn’t bad enough that the Cubs underperformed all year, then my surrogate goes and plays as listlessly as the Cubs did the last two years in the playoffs. I’ve always had trouble grasping the idea of “Leave well enough alone,” but perhaps now I have a better understanding of it. Perhaps I should have just checked out emotionally two weeks ago today when the Cubs were officially eliminated, and then followed the playoffs with some sort of polite detachment. But I couldn’t. You’d think I would have learned this lesson from dating. Too many times I’ve let myself get suckered into third and fourth dates that should never have occurred but that did because I like to think I’m optimistic and couldn’t leave a disappointing first date alone. But sometimes disappointing is as good as it gets, and there’s no sense in trying to wish it better.

I do, however, understand the notion of Cold Comfort. That’s about all that’s left for Twins, Red Sox, and Cardinals fans (and certain cheating Cubs fans) who are not alone now that all three teams have been swept in the opening round of the playoffs. Each team also had a blown save that resulted in a loss. I can understand Ryan Franklin’s blown save given his status as a relatively new closer, but salty veteran closers like Joe Nathan and Jonathan Papelbon? That’s surprising. The Rockies didn’t have a blown save last night, but it looks like the umps are making up for that after the terrible call on Chase Utley’s hit in the 9th.

When I look at the Cards’ series overall, it’s easy to understand why they lost. They needed to hit better than .262 (though their team average for the season was actually .263), but more importantly they needed better power hitting. They slugged .415 during the season; that dropped to .316 for the LA series. LA slugged .441 in the regular season; they have upped it to .448 thus far in the playoffs. Better power hitting could have helped the Cards plate some of the 53 runs they left on base throughout the three games.

So now there’s talk about Tony LaRussa coming to Chicago. My understanding is that he’s embittered by his team’s sudden exit. He already likes Chicago, and even White Sox fans have loved the guy since his stint as their coach from 1979-86. The especially greasy rumor is that he would bring Dave Duncan with him since Duncan is unhappy with St. Louis’ front office. I don’t have a problem with either one of them coming to the Cubs, though I would be concerned about how close LaRussa is to total burnout. He’s been coaching for quite a while, and the Cubs already have a coach who appears to be burned out. Don’t get me wrong; I’m not jumping on the Fire Lou Pinella Bandwagon. I don’t want to see him fired, but I do have concerns about his coaching that I brought up over a year ago (see Notes on the Last Night of Misery from October 5, 2008).


This whole extended metaphor about cheating on my girlfriend appears to manifesting itself in places other than this blog. It’s making me think about my committment issues overall. This came to me this morning at Office Max in Round Lake. I was there to buy a new journal since my current one is almost full. But it’s never easy to buy a new journal. It has to stay open by itself when laid flat. It has to have some kind of pocket inside it. You have to be able to clip a pen to it easily. The pages have to be wide enough for iambic pentameter. There have to be enough pages in it to last a while, but not so many that I’ll get tired of writing in the same journal all the time. If it’s spiral ruled, the wire has to be sturdy but not inflexible. There has to be a decent cover on it that will provide adequate protection from being handled, dropped, slid in and out of various bags, or tossed around in my car. It can’t look girly. These are not arbitrary judgments about a journal– they’ve all come by way of trial and error with a variety of different journals over the last 12 years. So I spent 20 minutes handling journals, trying to pick out the right one. The whole time I was thinking Is this journal good enough to meet my needs for the next 8 months to a year? Am I prepared to commit myself to this journal? Will I be able to accept this journal’s idiosyncracies, and perhaps use them to stretch my writing mind?

I made my decision, but even as I was walking to my car, I was second-guessing myself.


Finally, I’m a little embarrassed, and deservedly so. I’ve been working at Panera in Round Lake for about 3 hours now. It’s been a good day of writing, and I feel good. My laptop batteries ran out about 20 minutes ago, so I relocated from the dining room to the meeting room so I could plug in. As I was transferring all my stuff, I noticed a slender, attractive brunette sitting by the window working on a laptop. Her feet were propped on a chair. I came up with a perfectly succinct comment that would elicit a snicker from her. I cracked it as I was carrying my stuff past her. At the same time, my headphone case fell off my tray and clattered on the floor loud enough to echo off the walls of the meeting room. It split in three pieces that each rolled in a different direction. The clamor drowned out everything I was saying. The only thing the woman heard was “…relax.”

I suddenly felt like I was trying too hard, and her eye contact seemed to indicate that she was annoyed if not by my interrupting her, then by my buffoonery. After I picked up my mess, the only thing I could think to say was, “Maybe I should just be quiet.” She didn’t disagree. I could have just smiled politely and not said anything as I was relocating, but I didn’t. So I probably don’t have the understanding of “Leave Well Enough Alone” that I claimed to have a few paragraphs ago.


Written by seeker70

October 12, 2009 at 6:14 pm

Posted in Uncategorized

One Response

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  1. hey, there's nothing wrong going out on extra "dates" after the first one seems so sour. look at the NFL's Cincinnatti Bengals… they lost in a very embarrassing opening game, but they've been undefeated since then.


    October 14, 2009 at 8:19 pm

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